


I Need a Superman to Sweep Me off My Feet

by ceealaina



Series: Tony Stark Bingo 2020 [5]
Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Relationships, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Iron Bros, Ironhusbands, M/M, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Team as Family, Tony Stark Has A Heart, read it how you will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22538353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceealaina/pseuds/ceealaina
Summary: When Tony gets stuck up a tree, who's he gonna call?Iron Patriot!*A bought of insomnia had led to him finding an all-year 24/7 Christmas channel, which had given him the bright idea to string Christmas lights in the trees lining the incredibly long driveway leading to the Avengers compound.Listen, Tony was a genius, but sometimes he was real fucking dumb.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark
Series: Tony Stark Bingo 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1594795
Comments: 16
Kudos: 151
Collections: Avengers as Family, Tony Stark Bingo 2020, Ultimate Favorites





	I Need a Superman to Sweep Me off My Feet

**Author's Note:**

> Title: I Need a Superman to Sweep Me off My Feet  
> Collaborator Name: ceealaina  
> Card Number: 3088  
> Link: AO3  
> Square Filled: R4 - [Image] Iron Patriot  
> Ship: IronHusbands  
> Rating: Teen  
> Major Tags: None

“No, no, no no no! Shit!”

Tony grabbed at the tree branch before he fell, watching forlornly as the ladder toppled to the ground. The very, very far below him ground. 

“You have got to be kidding me,” he grumbled, pouting a little since there was no one around to see. Most of the active team was gone on some low-contact, stealth mission. Tony didn’t know whose bright idea it had been to send  _ Steve Rogers _ on a  _ stealth mission _ , but the man had sounded exhausted the last time he’d talked to him. It didn’t sound as though things were going well, Tony could tell that they would all need a break when they made it back home. 

A bought of insomnia had led to him finding an all-year 24/7 Christmas channel, which had given him the bright idea to string Christmas lights in the trees lining the incredibly  _ long  _ driveway leading to the Avengers compound. 

Listen, Tony was a genius, but sometimes he was  _ real  _ fucking dumb. 

Heaving out a sigh, he sat on the branch and considered his options. He was too high up to jump without risking injury, and there was no way he was trying that. He could just hear the shit he’d catch from the rest of the team if they found out why he was benched from the next mission. There was also no way he could climb down; the lower branches were thin, and would definitely not hold his body weight. He’d probably just hurt himself even worse than if he jumped in the first place. 

Whining, because again, nobody there to hear him, Tony pulled out his phone.

“What’s the matter, Tones?” Rhodey’s voice was fond and amused. “You get cold and give up already?” 

“I’m not cold!” Tony protested, although now that Rhodey had mentioned it, the wind was a little brisk. “I just… Need some help?” 

Rhodey huffed out a laugh. “No way, man. I told you this was a dumb idea. You could have stayed here with me. Watch some Die Hard, make out a little, have some hot chocolate…” 

“I genuinely don’t know if you’re talking about the drink or yourself right now, and that concerns me.” 

Rhodey laughed again. “But oh no,” he continued, like Tony’s hadn’t spoken. “Tony’s gotta go hang some twinkle lights in the trees. It’s fucking  _ February _ , you idiot.” 

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” Tony waved him off. “But listen, I’m serious.” 

“So am I! Got my underpants off and my pajama pants on and I am  _ set _ .” 

“Okay, well  _ I _ ? Am  _ stuck _ .” 

There was a long pause and Tony winced up at the fading light in the sky. 

“Stuck? What do you mean stuck?” 

He scrubbed a hand over his face. Rhodey was going to enjoy the hell out of this, because he was a terrible human. “I mean there was an incident with the ladder. It fell and now I am stuck up a tree,” he told him all in a rush. “Come on, honeybear, you’re the only one around right now. I just need you to come out and put the ladder back up and then I promise you can go right back to your weird crush on Bruce Willis.”

“Hey! My crush isn’t weird. Lots of people crush on Bruce Willis.” 

“Eh. I met him once, he wasn’t that great. He’s not even in my top five favourite  _ Bruces _ .” 

“Whatever, man. Just hold on a minute, I’ll come be your knight in shining armor.” 

Tony probably should have been more concerned by that wording, but he was too busy thinking about how boring nature was, and wondering how much it was going to cost him to get Rhodey to keep this quiet from the rest of the team to really give it much thought. 

He was just wondering why the hell he hadn’t done this all as Iron Man (he’d had a reason, initially, but he was fucked if he could remember why it had been so important now) when he heard a low, familiar whine on the wind. 

“Oh,” he breathed, eyes closing as he realized. “Oh no.” 

A minute later, Rhodey was landing under the tree. In the old, red, white, and blue Iron Patriot armor, because of fucking course he was. He put his hands on his hips and popped the faceplate open, smirking up at Tony like he was man’s greatest gift. Tony didn’t know where to begin.

“Iron Patriot, reporting for duty. Never fear, I’m here to rescue you.”

“You’re fucking  _ War Machine _ ,” he burst out, and okay, apparently that was his starting point. “What are you… Where did you even get that? I thought I melted it down.” 

Rhodey just shrugged. “Thought it might come in handy.”

“I hate you so much.” Tony rubbed his forehead. “This is really unnecessary. I just needed you to pick up the ladder and put it back against the tree.” 

“Hey! You called Iron Patriot for assistance, that’s what you’re gonna get.” 

“I  _ didn’t _ call Iron Patriot for assistance,” Tony felt it was necessary to point out. “What does that even mean?” 

Rhodey gave him a shit-eating grin and launched off the ground, hovering eye level with level. 

“Oh no,” Tony said again as he realized just what Rhodey was planning. “Really, really not necessary, Rhodes. You can pick up the ladder. Really. It’s right there.”

“Nope.” Rhodey held out his arms, waggling his eyebrows at Tony. “Sorry, handsome. This is a full service rescue.” 

“I hate you so much,” Tony informed him, shivering hard. He probably should have worn a warmer jacket, what with it being February and all. 

“No, you don’t.” 

Tony glared at him. “Come on, Rhodey. I’m fucking freezing. Just put the ladder back up.” 

Rhodey just arched an eyebrow at him. “Come on, Tony,” he parroted back to him. “Sooner you accept this is happening, the sooner we can get you inside where it’s warm. 

“Fine,” Tony grumbled, shifting to the edge of the branch that he was perched on. Rhodey hovered easily as Tony wrapped his arms around his neck. Then he swept his arms under Tony’s legs, scooping him up bridal style -- because of fucking  _ course _ \-- and flew them back toward the compound proper. 

Which, of course, was precisely when the rest of the team returned.

The image of Steve Rogers, laughing at him through the glass of the cockpit, would haunt Tony for the rest of his days. 

*

“Okay,” Steve said, when the luggage had dried off, and the returning team had showered and changed into their comfiest clothes. When the Thai food had been ordered, and blankets had been procured, and they were all tucked up in the preferred media room for an impromptu movie night. “Okay, what I don’t understand is why you didn’t just use the damn Iron Man suit.” He was openly laughing at Tony, not even pretending to hide it. 

“I don’t know,” Tony wailed, throwing a blanket over his head so he wouldn’t have to look at any of his terrible, horrible teammates. He hadn’t missed a single one of them. “I just didn’t, okay?” 

“You don’t know?” Steve repeated, apparently  _ not  _ letting this go. “What do you mean you don’t know? That thing is your pride and joy, Tony. I’m pretty sure it’s the first thing you think of in every situation.” 

“That’s not true!” 

Natasha scoffed, arching an eyebrow from where she was tucked up in Barnes’ lap. “Tony. If we were trapped in a burning building, and you could only save one of us, you would save the suit.” 

“That’s not--,”

“Hey!” Bucky pointed out, grinning wide. “One time we  _ were _ trapped in a burning building and you  _ did  _ save the suit.” 

“Because you had an exit route and I was flying it!” 

Sam leaned around Steve, putting on his ‘serious therapist’ face. “Rhodes. It’s okay, this is a safe space, you can tell us honestly: Is it your name Tony hollers during sex, or the suits?” 

“The suit doesn’t even have a name!” Tony protested loudly, as they all busted out laughing, choking out what were, frankly, really creepy sex cries of ‘oh, Mark!’ whenever they could catch their breaths. 

Tony hated each and every one of them. He didn’t know why he tried to bother movie night in the first place. He didn’t have to stay here and listen to this, he was going to go down to the lab and tinker instead. (And if that tinkering led to really awesome upgrades to their equipment, well. He’d at least wait a few weeks before giving it to them, so no one would be suspicious.) 

Except everyone looked so genuinely fond and happy, the stress lines of the mission leaving their faces, the tension easing out of their bodies. Beside him, Rhodey caught his hand, gave him a wink and a soft smile. 

Tony stayed.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: On Tony's next birthday, Steve gives him a framed picture of him being carried bridal style by Rhodey.


End file.
